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This is my very third or fourth blog. I say very because it's funny. I don't understand why people say very first. It's either first or not, saying very first doesn't distinguish it from anything. So i decided to say very third, just to get you smiling on the inside.

This brings us to the subject of today's blog: My life totally doesn't suck right now, which is a problem, because everything is going great, except I'm still not happy! I have good friends, no responsibility, and no one to answer to. Yet I still feel like i am missing something.

I was in a relationship a while back, maybe that's what I'm missing. the problem is (don't get offended) I can't find anyone that i like well enough to spend that kind of time with. I am always looking for reasons to leave whatever situation I am in, and find something else to do. Then twenty minutes into that i am bored again and have to leave. This isn't just about girls, but my regular friends too. I'm starting to hate myself for it. I can't stand to spend time with my friends, what kind of freak am I? It seems like the only time I have any peace in my life is when I am walking around town at two in the morning by myself. I half wish I could meet someone new on one of these walks. They might be like me, they might understand the peace that comes when you don't care about anyone in your life. They might be just as self-centered; To the point that they find every other human being boring beyond belief.

Every couple of years or so I see a movie that i relate to so thouroughly that it changes my life, in the past it has been Big Fish, Stranger than Fiction, and Garden State. a few weeks ago it happened again. I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The main character in the movie decides that he wants to have his ex-girlfriend erased from his memory. Half way through the process though he realizes that he still loves her and wants to stop it. he tries to hide her in memories she doesn't belong in and things like that. It was an extremely well made movie, and it struck me deeply. I'm not sure how much i want to say here, but I feel like this movie defines me well. It is defenitly worth watching.

I hope I haven't offended anyone, I value your friendship in ways i cannot describe, but these are just my feelings tonight.