It's not like years ago

So I can't sleep again. I just got back from seeing Transformers 2. I love driving late at night; I guess I just love being up late. But I love the feeling of knowing that no one else in the car is going to bother you. They might be asleep they might not, but you know the won't say anything. It's these moments when I enjoy listening to my love songs. I have a select few songs that have special significance to me. Aside from being amazing pieces of music, and being the perfect sound for the moment, these songs remind me of who I really am. I am not the kind of person who wants to watch two giant alien robots fight each other. I am the kind of person who would rather watch a movie that believes what I do about movies. I believe that movies are the ultimate art form. they encompass almost all others. The cinematography should reflect an effort to portray the movie the way a photographer would. The Story telling should be just as well developed and thought out as any novel. The soundtrack should strive to shape the feelings of the listener. And that's just the beginning. I'm not saying that transformers was a bad movie, but to say that I enjoyed it would not be true to myself. Movies are not meant to merely entertain. Yet millions of people a will pay ten bucks to sit in a theater and turn their brains off for an hour and a half. Art should stimulate, not entertain.

Getting back to my love songs, I call them that because I love the way they help me get in touch with what i really believe. It's as I go through life and I collect all this crap and dirt on myself. but these songs strip it all away. They leave me raw, pure, and true to myself.

If you want to take a listen to them here are a few:

My Lady's House - Iron & Wine
More Than Life - Whitley
The Crane Wife, Part 3 - The Decemberists
Black River - Amos Lee
Nightswimming - R.E.M.
Green Eyes - Coldplay

blog

This is my very third or fourth blog. I say very because it's funny. I don't understand why people say very first. It's either first or not, saying very first doesn't distinguish it from anything. So i decided to say very third, just to get you smiling on the inside.

This brings us to the subject of today's blog: My life totally doesn't suck right now, which is a problem, because everything is going great, except I'm still not happy! I have good friends, no responsibility, and no one to answer to. Yet I still feel like i am missing something.

I was in a relationship a while back, maybe that's what I'm missing. the problem is (don't get offended) I can't find anyone that i like well enough to spend that kind of time with. I am always looking for reasons to leave whatever situation I am in, and find something else to do. Then twenty minutes into that i am bored again and have to leave. This isn't just about girls, but my regular friends too. I'm starting to hate myself for it. I can't stand to spend time with my friends, what kind of freak am I? It seems like the only time I have any peace in my life is when I am walking around town at two in the morning by myself. I half wish I could meet someone new on one of these walks. They might be like me, they might understand the peace that comes when you don't care about anyone in your life. They might be just as self-centered; To the point that they find every other human being boring beyond belief.

Every couple of years or so I see a movie that i relate to so thouroughly that it changes my life, in the past it has been Big Fish, Stranger than Fiction, and Garden State. a few weeks ago it happened again. I saw Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind. The main character in the movie decides that he wants to have his ex-girlfriend erased from his memory. Half way through the process though he realizes that he still loves her and wants to stop it. he tries to hide her in memories she doesn't belong in and things like that. It was an extremely well made movie, and it struck me deeply. I'm not sure how much i want to say here, but I feel like this movie defines me well. It is defenitly worth watching.

I hope I haven't offended anyone, I value your friendship in ways i cannot describe, but these are just my feelings tonight.