Take it to Manhattan

So it's been a while since I wrote on here, and I made a commitment to my self and probably my mother that I would keep this fairly up to date. So these are my blog's thoughts:

... I sat here and tried to write about how I'm feeling for an hour. I erased everything I typed because I'm sick of sounding whiny and depressed. I'm doing fine! I have nothing to complain about! I have good friends and an amazing family. I have spent the last year and half wallowing in my own pity and self loathing, and it was miserable!

All of that is over now.

two years ago I met an amazing girl. we started dating, and fell in love. but apparently something went wrong, she broke up with me, and hasn't spoke to me since. I assumed that it was because of some flaw in my character, I had done something wrong. I couldn't stop beating myself up about it.

I feel so naive. I always thought I was somehow immune to the whole "first love"thing. I always thought i was somehow just gonna get it right, and if their were troubles it would all work itself out by the end, like a movie. I just never really thought that she would ever not be a part of the big picture. I guess I just denied the fact that i needed to get over her but couldn't.

But like I said all of that is over now. I am done hating myself because she doesn't love me. it has gotten me nowhere.

I feel a bit like Straylight Run when they sang: "I've had it up to here with... I've had enough of all of these songs of self-imposed unhappiness"

I am sick of feeling like crap for no reason... so I'm done.